I have a history of loving my partners so much and not taking breakups well. The first time i almost killed myself. That was two years ago today.
I fell in love again and my heart is broken again. We didn't end in bad terms like the first girl, but it wasn't great, XY wanted to take space and i did my best to respect that. But XY's moving across the country for a new job (east coast to west coast) I'm here working on my future close to family. What rings in my head a thousand times is when the last time we talked she said "... A month ago i knew you are the man I'm going to marry, but now i don't know anymore"
We started to take space on 3/18, and really that's when we broke up, i fell apart b/c my best friend almost died he had CPR performed on him in the hospital, and i have to kick him out of the apartment, he owes me over $6K in unpaid rent. Hes home safe now but we're working together to stay friends and get even. My grandma has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, she has until the end of summer she has been taken to hospice. My otger grandma nearly died from a respiratory infection. My mom has been sick for 15 years and just had another brain surgery. (this all happened that week)
Im now sober of alcohol for 35 days, the first time since idk when. I started it for XY, but two weeks ago i told her "i would do anything to stay together. I'm sorry. I love you. Goodbye" now I'm sober for me. I'm done smoking cannabis, I'm trying to quit vaping and nicotine, I'm taking classes for my EMT certification before it expires (i work full time on an ambulance and have until January), I'm studying for a firefighter exam, I'm working out again for the physical exam. It has been my dream to be a paid firefighter in my hometown since forever, and I'm closer than i have ever been. I have deleted my Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, tinder, and other dating apps, i cant stand the thought of running into XY there. I deleted her phone number, returned her belongings from my apartment, I've tried to remove every trace of her but she wont escape my heaf.
I have pride in what i do. I save lives. But why is it then when I'm doing my fucking best every thing falls apart around me. Today has not been a good day.